You WILL NOT fail
Growing up failing was not an option in my family. There was no, “Well honey you tried your best and that’s all that matters.” Hell no, in my house it was, “And why was this B not an A?”
(Now I have to interject and say that this all came from my father. Mom always had my back.)
Talk about pressure. My dad and I didn’t have a great relationship but that’s another story for another time and a year’s worth of therapy. I wanted to take French in middle school and high school. I thought it would prepare me for when I backpacked through Europe. (It might still happen….)But Daddy felt that Spanish was more appropriate since “All them Mexicans keep comin’ over here.” So, bueno. Yo hablo espanol.
I can count on one hand the assignments and tests I failed throughout all of my schooling (including college). I can remember in 1st grade, I didn’t finish my schoolwork during the allotted time (I was probably talking to my friends instead. Shocking, I know.). So my teacher stapled my schoolwork together with a cover sheet that had a sad clown with a black eye on it. So traumatizing and a little weird. Well, I completely lost it. Hysterical crying. I mean, all I had to do was take it home and finish it. No biggie, but I was upset because I messed up.
This pressure has stayed with me my entire life and it’s something I’m trying to come to grips with. In fact, I try very little new things because I’m scared I won’t do them right.
After Lexie was born and it became very apparent that we needed extra money, I started studying medical transcription. Well, I sucked at it. Big time. I hated the medical terminology, the repetition, and the stupid doctors with accents. It was horrible. But, I kept studying it because I could not fail.
Well, when it came time to take the final exam for the course, I failed it. Shocker! And to this day, I hate to talk about that course, I get embarrassed and my heart sinks and my stomach hurts.
Why is it such a big deal to fail? I mean, you try some things, you do well sometimes and sometimes it’s just not your thing. I hope one day, I can learn that.
And I make sure to tell my kids all the time, “It’s okay honey. You tried your best and that’s all that matters. You don’t have to be perfect. Just have fun and try.”