Ya Gotta Start ‘em Early
So my mom and I were shopping at The Mall (Capitalized because where I’m from, there’s only The Mall. Everyone calls it by that name instead of by it’s true name. Go figure.) right after Audrey was born. (And if her pediatrician reads this, we totally waited the 6 weeks you told us to. Uh huh. And pigs were flying.)
So this older lady stopped us in the store and lo and behold, my mom knew her. (My mom is a totally southern lady who can usually play 6 degrees of separation with everyone she encounters. It’s not odd for her first question to a stranger, after learning their name is, “So are you from the so and so’s from such and such?” And usually , they are. And my mom somehow went to high school with their neighbor’s brother’s friend’s uncle and now they say hi at Krogers.)
Now, let me give you a visual of this woman. She was in her 60’s. She had some serious makeup going on. It’s was jarring. She had pounds of jewelry on. It was blinding.
She exclaimed over Audrey and I preened like a proud mama.
And then she said, “You know, I bought my granddaughter a bracelet when she was born. A little one. And she wore it from practically day one. And as she got older, I kept getting her bigger ones and now she loves to wear jewelry. You gotta start them early so they get used to it.”
Uh, what? My 6 week old (ahem…2 week old….stop judging!) needed some bling?
And she continued, looking at my mom, “You can get those baby bracelets at that store? Down by the food court? You know, they engrave things? You should really get her one so she likes to wear jewelry. You gotta start them early.”
I think I stared. And walked away. What a freak, I thought.
And then I turned to my mom (a.k.a. Mimi) and said, “Don’t you dare buy her baby bracelets so we can force them on her so she’ll like to wear jewelry one day.”
And Mimi sheepishly said, “Okay.”
I’m still waiting for Audrey to have a bracelet magically appear on her wrist.